President Elect

Presidential Blog Corner

This week we are proud to announce that Nigerian President elect Nsa ‘Junior’ Harrison has decided to give LNRFC blog writers unrestricted access to his stupendous country farmhouse here in the UK in the weeks before his inauguration. For the past 6 months Nsa has been running a long distance but stunning campaign to usurp President Olesugun Obasanjo and install himself as the new President of Nigeria. His headquarters is a 20 acre state-of-the-art pig farm in sunny Somerset. Nsa studied Pig keeping at Bristol University and will in fact be Nigeria 1^st University educated president which adds to his overall appeal.

How did he win? LNRFC bloggers were more surprised than most. Nsa had a reputation at Bristol for replacing important tasks with, shall we say, less important ones. According to one anonymous former classmate, if given the choice of going to his Breed recognition finals exam or staying at home in bed, Nsa was bedbound every time. Even so he qualified with a double 1^st (certificate available for inspection) and was offered a scholarship to Harvard which he turned down to fight and subsequently win the presidential elections (information from presidential lawyer Jemi Akin-Olugbadin).

The picture below of Nsa (in blue) published in the Nigerian press looking very much the 26 years stated in his passport. This photo showing him in simple attire very much tied in with Nsa’s claim that his presidential style would be “for the people by the people”.

The EU Observation Mission called the election a charade that did not meet international standards or the aspirations of Nigerians. A Ms Sawwyer added “Our monitors throughout the country... documented numerous lapses, irregularities and electoral malpractices that characterised the election in many states”.

The Transition Monitoring Group (TMG), with 50,000 Nigeria observers on the ground, called for the polls to be cancelled.

In a world exclusive 1^st interview his Excellency-to-be answers his critics:

Nsa: It’s ridiculous. I was on my farm, how could I influence what was happening over there, and besides, that was around he time that a good friend asked me to come round for dinner.

Now you’ve been elected is it true that you plan to rule from Somerset…and why a pig farm?

Nsa: Well the thing is, I was going to go to Nigeria after I won, but I couldn’t get air conditioned pigsties in Abuja for my prized possessions – can you imagine that? Well that one of the first thing that’s going to change when I’m president.

Anyway Somerset reminds me of my village in Jos with the green fields, cattle and Glastonburyesque parties.. My father was a pig keeper and his father before him. The attraction?.. I find pig so much more honest than people especially certain countrymen of mine.

With the greatest respect your Excellency, you’re not really answering the question. How will you ensure that the electorate get a representative and fair democracy?

Nsa: Well I could do all that, and I will do all that, but now I have to go because my tea is ready and I’ve been waiting for my tea all day. Plus Jim has some shirts and I’ve got other stuff to do and I was going to do it then, but I went out before I could.

Thanks you Sa. Perhaps you’ll consider answering a few questions next week too?

Nsa: Of course I’ll be here and I can even answer more questions because I’ll have more time, because I won’t be in Oxford or Stains then, so I can answer loads more questions…huh, and yeah…but wait, because I think I might have tea again and that will mean I won’t have time.

Next week The Tough challenges for Nigeria’s 1^st pig keeping leader.